Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
