Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
