Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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