Duck Duck Cougar?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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