I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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