Jerry, you need to find god
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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