1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
