Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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