so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
