We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
