i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
