Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
