After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm at about main and main street
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
