Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
