I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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