We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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