omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
