how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
