I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
