its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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