guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
