everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
