4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
