$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
