well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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