I am puke
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
