I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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