Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
