Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
