I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
