Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
