I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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