just tell him i said nine months
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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