"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
