I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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