We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize