Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
