Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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