is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I know her cup size but not her name....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
