yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
