So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
