Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I want a musical about memes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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