I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
