everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
