Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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