Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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