11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
