I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
