I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
