she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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