i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
