I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
