shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
