Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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