dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
