The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
