I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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