I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
