He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
