there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize