cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
