my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
