I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
