So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
