Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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