Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
