What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
