My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
