i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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