me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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