I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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