Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
