11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he thought i was a dude.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I want is dick and wine.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
